www.phua-ashley.blogspot.com

I've been having mother sick quite often recently. Maybe it's the month of May that causes that, I don't know. I've been standing on my own feet since the age of 17. I don't know how I overcome all the bad days, but the truth is I overcame it, and did quite well too.

I was studying for exam with Niki & another classmate at the uni few days ago. What my classmate said shocked me real well, he said when he saw me the first few times, I gave him the feeling of really tough character, with a sense of loneliness, even though I was always laughing around. I was shocked, I thought I covered it well =/.

Sometimes I feel like calling up someone to talk, but just that second I'm about to hit the CALL button, I cancelled it. What am I supposed to tell or say? I'm not seeking for sympathy, I just wanted to have something to take my mind off from it, but it doesn't seems that everybody understand this.

So I chose to call the 1st name on my dialled numbers, my bf. I always thought he's one of the closest to me. I seldom open up to someone, especially about things like this, sometimes not even Niki. But I got nothing at all. Nothing. I tried to shoo away the loneliness, but the more I try the stronger it gets. So I ended up crying, for no fucking reason. I hated myself to the max for that very moment.

I just needed a shoulder to lean on, or ears to borrow. How hard is that? Isn't that what family suppose to be?